Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize