i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I need a beard to bite.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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