you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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