is your mom at the bar?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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