"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
