you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
