After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
