sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
