sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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