Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
