I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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