I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
