why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
