I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my shit smells like andre
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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