I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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