i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
