Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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