Umm I'm too high to move.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
