My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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