i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
