You made me cry and you don't even care
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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