we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
