I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
