remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
