a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
