I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
