I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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