i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
