I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
