I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
