Who wears a wallet chain?!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
