Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
