Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
