Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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