I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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