once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
