People in love make me want to vomit
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
