My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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