Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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