i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
