Me too!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
