Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
