ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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