Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
