So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
