Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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