Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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