Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
