"it" just moved
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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