did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
