I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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