he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
