she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
