eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
