My cat gives me a boner
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
