I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
