At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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