i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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