Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize