My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
