Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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