I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
