and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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