I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my phone needs a breathalizer
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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