Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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