Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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