dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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