The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
