I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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