He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
