Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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