woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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