We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
