You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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