She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
