I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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