i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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