I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
