just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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